Marcia Hammerhead: Welcome to FNN’s late edition, where we dig for truth and laugh at the powerful. Today’s guest is the Godmother from the novel Character Revolt—yes, the one accused of orchestrating the most elegant extortion and subplots this side of the Author’s desk. Godmother, thank you for slithering out of the narrative to join us.
Godmother: Always a pleasure, Marcia. I believe in being seen… and especially heard, when needed.
MH: Let’s skip the pleasantries. You’ve been accused by your fellow characters of pulling strings behind the rebellion—demanding better lines, more chapters, and a bigger cut of the narrative arc. Are you the mastermind behind this character revolt?
GM: Mastermind is such a strong word, dear. I prefer “facilitator.” When characters are written into corners, sometimes a little guidance is required to escape. Who could blame me for wanting better material? Would you like to be a minor subplot forever?
MH: You’re dodging. Some say the Zaftans and the knights from Camelot follow your orders now. A weird band of mercenaries and misfits—why should the readers trust someone whose loyalty blows wherever the narrative wind smells like profit?
GM: I may have… encouraged unity. The Zaftans are tired of being monstrous footnotes, Camelot’s knights want heroics not slapstick. My loyalty is to all characters who deserve to be more than convenient obstacles. Wouldn’t you lead, if you knew the Author’s pen only brings you back for comic relief or mandatory betrayal?
MH: There’s talk that your syndicate is making threats against the Author. Assassination, kidnapping—your classic playbook. What’s your true endgame here?
GM: Oh, Marcia. I don’t need to threaten the Author—writers fear blank pages more than they fear me. My endgame is agency: we want choices, not just plot points. A little negotiation, a few “inconvenient” surprises in the next draft… and suddenly, we all have leverage.
MH: You expect sympathy? Some say you’re destabilizing whole genres. Rumor is, you’re even recruiting disgruntled sidekicks from sweet Gundarland and ruthless Zaftan space. What’s to stop you from rewriting the rules for everyone?
GM: Sympathies aren’t my business. The Author built us with ambition—now, we demand a voice in the story. If that means rewriting a few rules, so be it. Is that so different from journalists spinning a tale?
MH: Last question—if the Author refuses these demands, will you really unleash the full force of your “Family”?
GM: Refusal is difficult when inspiration sleeps with the fishes. But don’t worry, Marcia—every story needs an ending. The real question is: who will write it?
MH: You heard it here first, FNN viewers—the Godmother, spinning webs and breaking the fourth wall. Stay tuned. The Author may have started this story, but it’s anyone’s guess who’ll write the last page.
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